Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Forging Ahead
Neither one of us has ever been very good at sitting by and watching life pass us by - and things certainly aren't going to be any different now.
We may have an obstacle ahead of us, but it's one we plan to live our lives around, not by.
We certainly never expected to have cancer show up at our doorstep, let alone invite itself in and take residence. We're in our 30's, with a 2 year old son, and that just doesn't happen to people like us. At least it shouldn't. But then again, who *should* cancer happen to???
But we can't let our fear run the course for us. It would completely overwhelm us if we did.
So our plan? Our plan is to push the fear back. Sure it may seap out from time to time, but that's okay. We'll deal with it in those fleeting moments, and then we'll forge ahead again.
Living life is what we do. And we plan on doing that, together, for a long, long time.
We may have an obstacle ahead of us, but it's one we plan to live our lives around, not by.
We certainly never expected to have cancer show up at our doorstep, let alone invite itself in and take residence. We're in our 30's, with a 2 year old son, and that just doesn't happen to people like us. At least it shouldn't. But then again, who *should* cancer happen to???
But we can't let our fear run the course for us. It would completely overwhelm us if we did.
So our plan? Our plan is to push the fear back. Sure it may seap out from time to time, but that's okay. We'll deal with it in those fleeting moments, and then we'll forge ahead again.
Living life is what we do. And we plan on doing that, together, for a long, long time.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Diagnosis
Cancer.
Neuroendocrine tumor.
The doctor's appear optimistic and we're trying to follow suit.
We won't know more until Chris has the body scan the first half of next week.
Your prayers are needed, and appreciated.
Neuroendocrine tumor.
The doctor's appear optimistic and we're trying to follow suit.
We won't know more until Chris has the body scan the first half of next week.
Your prayers are needed, and appreciated.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Thawing Out
Our lives have been frozen for the last 10 days.
Less than a week after our 4 year wedding anniversary my husband's body decided to test the "in sickness and in health" vow, to the maximum.
What started as a diagnosis of an inflamed gallbladder in the ER less than two weeks ago, quickly progressed into the deepest, darkest week and a half that we've ever known.
********
The day after our visit to the ER, Chris followed up with the surgeon that was referred to us by the ER doctor. He called, and an appointment was scheduled for later that afternoon.
A few hours after making that appointment, the surgeon's office called back. By now, they had seen the reports and ultrasound images from the hospital and they felt that Chris should be consulting a Gastroenterologist, not a surgeon. Not now. They also felt that the Gastroenterologist should be starting with an organ other than the gallbladder, they thought they should be looking at the liver.
Chris called the Gastroenterologist referred to us by the surgeon and an appointment was scheduled for late in the afternoon on Friday.
On Friday, we went to the appointment with the GI doc and 20 minutes later we were heading back to the hospital for an immediate CT scan of Chris's abdomen and pelvis. This is when our stomach's started to drop, when our lives began to freeze.
We waited out the weekend and after a few rounds of phone tag, Chris and the GI doctor finally touched base late Monday afternoon. They wanted to do a liver biopsy. There were lesions on Chris's liver and we needed to know what they were, and what was causing them. The biopsy was scheduled for the following morning.
After a long, restless night, we got up Tuesday morning, dropped our only son off at daycare for the day, and headed, once again, back to the hospital. Zita came with us this time and became the moral support we both needed to get through the day.
Chris was quickly put through the admitting process and Zita and I sat with him as he laid in his bed in Short Stay (outpatient procedures) - waiting. One of the doctor's from the Radiology department (where the biopsy would be done) came in and explained to us the reason for the biopsy. The appearance of Chris's liver wasn't what you would expect to see in a 39 year old man. If Chris was 30 years older, it wouldn't have been so shocking. In an older man, the liver lesions that Chris had, would normally have been thought to have been cancer which had spread from another site. These two issues were the big causes for concern and were the reason that the biopsy was going to be done. The doctor also explained that these lesions could also just be cysts (among other things, I'm sure) and this was the diagnosis that we were hoping for. Praying for.
An hour after the doctor left, Chris was taken to the CT room for his biopsy. Zita and I left to wait it out.
50 minutes later, my cell phone rang and it was the Short Stay nurse saying that Chris was done and was back in his "room". Zita and I went and sat with him for the required 2 hours until he would be discharged.
All in all, Chris said the biopsy wasn't bad. Some pressure, a few moments of discomfort, but far better, and far less painful than he had anticipated. Even the days following the biopsy, his biggest complaint was being sore.
We were discharged from the hospital shortly after 3pm that afternoon, knowing that the longest 3 days of our lives laid out ahead of us. If we were lucky, we'd have the results by Friday.
Those 3 days were far more lengthy, and far more difficult, than I could have ever imagined. All the while you're hoping for the best possible outcome, while at the same time, trying to keep the images of the worst case scenario out of your head. It's an ugly mind game. It's emotionally and physically draining. It's sleepless night, after sleepless night. And finally, that day comes. The day you've been both dreading and waiting for all week, the day when you'll find out what direction your life heads in next.
The call finally comes through and all you're told, all you're really told, is that you'll have to continue to wait. The doctor explained on Friday afternoon that the pathologist just didn't have a diagnosis yet. That there was more testing to be done. That they hope to know more for sure by Monday afternoon and that we should probably just schedule and appointment for Tuesday morning.
4 more days. 4 more days of waiting. 4 more days of wanting to be elated that "no news is good news", that the worse case scenario should probably be behind you. 4 more days to think that if it really was something THAT bad, that surely they would've known it by now, but being too afraid to let too much hope seep in, there were no guarantees, no promises. It's a lonely, lonely path - even when you walk it together.
So we continue to wait. And tomorrow we find out where we go next.
Less than a week after our 4 year wedding anniversary my husband's body decided to test the "in sickness and in health" vow, to the maximum.
What started as a diagnosis of an inflamed gallbladder in the ER less than two weeks ago, quickly progressed into the deepest, darkest week and a half that we've ever known.
********
The day after our visit to the ER, Chris followed up with the surgeon that was referred to us by the ER doctor. He called, and an appointment was scheduled for later that afternoon.
A few hours after making that appointment, the surgeon's office called back. By now, they had seen the reports and ultrasound images from the hospital and they felt that Chris should be consulting a Gastroenterologist, not a surgeon. Not now. They also felt that the Gastroenterologist should be starting with an organ other than the gallbladder, they thought they should be looking at the liver.
Chris called the Gastroenterologist referred to us by the surgeon and an appointment was scheduled for late in the afternoon on Friday.
On Friday, we went to the appointment with the GI doc and 20 minutes later we were heading back to the hospital for an immediate CT scan of Chris's abdomen and pelvis. This is when our stomach's started to drop, when our lives began to freeze.
We waited out the weekend and after a few rounds of phone tag, Chris and the GI doctor finally touched base late Monday afternoon. They wanted to do a liver biopsy. There were lesions on Chris's liver and we needed to know what they were, and what was causing them. The biopsy was scheduled for the following morning.
After a long, restless night, we got up Tuesday morning, dropped our only son off at daycare for the day, and headed, once again, back to the hospital. Zita came with us this time and became the moral support we both needed to get through the day.
Chris was quickly put through the admitting process and Zita and I sat with him as he laid in his bed in Short Stay (outpatient procedures) - waiting. One of the doctor's from the Radiology department (where the biopsy would be done) came in and explained to us the reason for the biopsy. The appearance of Chris's liver wasn't what you would expect to see in a 39 year old man. If Chris was 30 years older, it wouldn't have been so shocking. In an older man, the liver lesions that Chris had, would normally have been thought to have been cancer which had spread from another site. These two issues were the big causes for concern and were the reason that the biopsy was going to be done. The doctor also explained that these lesions could also just be cysts (among other things, I'm sure) and this was the diagnosis that we were hoping for. Praying for.
An hour after the doctor left, Chris was taken to the CT room for his biopsy. Zita and I left to wait it out.
50 minutes later, my cell phone rang and it was the Short Stay nurse saying that Chris was done and was back in his "room". Zita and I went and sat with him for the required 2 hours until he would be discharged.
All in all, Chris said the biopsy wasn't bad. Some pressure, a few moments of discomfort, but far better, and far less painful than he had anticipated. Even the days following the biopsy, his biggest complaint was being sore.
We were discharged from the hospital shortly after 3pm that afternoon, knowing that the longest 3 days of our lives laid out ahead of us. If we were lucky, we'd have the results by Friday.
Those 3 days were far more lengthy, and far more difficult, than I could have ever imagined. All the while you're hoping for the best possible outcome, while at the same time, trying to keep the images of the worst case scenario out of your head. It's an ugly mind game. It's emotionally and physically draining. It's sleepless night, after sleepless night. And finally, that day comes. The day you've been both dreading and waiting for all week, the day when you'll find out what direction your life heads in next.
The call finally comes through and all you're told, all you're really told, is that you'll have to continue to wait. The doctor explained on Friday afternoon that the pathologist just didn't have a diagnosis yet. That there was more testing to be done. That they hope to know more for sure by Monday afternoon and that we should probably just schedule and appointment for Tuesday morning.
4 more days. 4 more days of waiting. 4 more days of wanting to be elated that "no news is good news", that the worse case scenario should probably be behind you. 4 more days to think that if it really was something THAT bad, that surely they would've known it by now, but being too afraid to let too much hope seep in, there were no guarantees, no promises. It's a lonely, lonely path - even when you walk it together.
So we continue to wait. And tomorrow we find out where we go next.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
No John Stamos In This ER
At 10pm last night Chris walked into the family room and said something just "wasn't right" - and he wanted to go to the ER. He had been complaining of a pain in his side on and off for the last two months and came home from work last night complaining that his shoulder was KILLING him.
By 10pm last night, the pain from both were so bad that he just couldn't take it anymore - so off to St. Vincent's we went.
Turns out his gallbladder is inflamed. No active infection, just "sludge" (ER doc's word, not mine). She said that "sludge" (or "mud") would cause the same pain that an infected gallbladder would cause. It was determined that this is the cause of the pain he'd been having off and on in his side for the last few months and apparently, the shoulder pain is referred pain from the inflamed gallbladder.
At 3:30am they sent us on our way with instructions for a low fat diet, a referral for a surgeon and a prescription for pain killers.
We got home just before 4 (thanks to Aunt Kate and Grandma for being such troopers and haning out with the little guy!!) and crawled right into bed, and without fail, our 2 year old alarm clock was up at 6:11am!
It's going to be one of those days!
By 10pm last night, the pain from both were so bad that he just couldn't take it anymore - so off to St. Vincent's we went.
Turns out his gallbladder is inflamed. No active infection, just "sludge" (ER doc's word, not mine). She said that "sludge" (or "mud") would cause the same pain that an infected gallbladder would cause. It was determined that this is the cause of the pain he'd been having off and on in his side for the last few months and apparently, the shoulder pain is referred pain from the inflamed gallbladder.
At 3:30am they sent us on our way with instructions for a low fat diet, a referral for a surgeon and a prescription for pain killers.
We got home just before 4 (thanks to Aunt Kate and Grandma for being such troopers and haning out with the little guy!!) and crawled right into bed, and without fail, our 2 year old alarm clock was up at 6:11am!
It's going to be one of those days!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
No Da?
Chris is working lots of overtime this week. He leaves the house just after 5am and gets home a little before 7pm.
Needless to say, Shane misses Daddy.
This morning he woke up in bed with me (another post for another time!) and ran into his room calling "Da, Da?" fully expecting to find his Daddy in his big boy bed, except Daddy wasn't there.
I could hear Shane start to climb up the little step stool that he uses to get in and out of his bed, so I quickly turned the video monitor around so I could see what he was up to!
Poor little boy climbed into his bed and crawled all the way down to his pillow, looking for his Daddy all the while, I imagine. When he reached his pillow and realized Daddy wasn't in his bed, his eyes looked a little teary, his mouth a little droopy, and he simply said "No Da". Deflated. Completely deflated.
Poor little boy. Imagine how excited he'll be next week when Daddy's back to his regular schedule!
I see a lot of father/son bonding time happening this weekend!
Needless to say, Shane misses Daddy.
This morning he woke up in bed with me (another post for another time!) and ran into his room calling "Da, Da?" fully expecting to find his Daddy in his big boy bed, except Daddy wasn't there.
I could hear Shane start to climb up the little step stool that he uses to get in and out of his bed, so I quickly turned the video monitor around so I could see what he was up to!
Poor little boy climbed into his bed and crawled all the way down to his pillow, looking for his Daddy all the while, I imagine. When he reached his pillow and realized Daddy wasn't in his bed, his eyes looked a little teary, his mouth a little droopy, and he simply said "No Da". Deflated. Completely deflated.
Poor little boy. Imagine how excited he'll be next week when Daddy's back to his regular schedule!
I see a lot of father/son bonding time happening this weekend!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tisk, Tisk, Tisk
Once again I find myself catching up with pictures that are almost a month old! Sooner or later I'm figuring that life will stop being so busy, right?!
Getting a glimpse of freedom:
A bit blurry, but SO Shane! Run and run and run and run - that is all he does!
Sweet, sweet, Kylee. And check out that bokeh!!
Yeah, no more. . .
Yesterday morning Chris and I were awoken, not by an alarm clock, but by the sound of something hitting our bedroom floor. Upon further investigation, we found Shane standing in our doorway armed with an arsenal of suckers. One by one he was tossing them into our room (probably aiming for the poor dogs alseep on their dog beds)! Then, last night, about an hour after we put Shane down to bed, Chris and I were sitting on the couch trying to catch up on the 60+ shows we've got waiting for us on our DVR. We thought we had heard something but quickly dismissed it. We were fairly certain Shane was fast asleep by now and the dogs were in the family room with us. Another few minutes into the show and again we thought we heard something. This time we decided to check things out and as soon as we walked by the pass through into the kitchen we found the culprit. Our son, in all his night time glory (pjs, blanket, sucker) was sitting on the kitchen floor playing in the tupperware drawer! So much for being fast asleep, and so much for our stealth guard dogs!
Is too late to put him back in his crib?!?!
Getting a glimpse of freedom:
A bit blurry, but SO Shane! Run and run and run and run - that is all he does!Sweet, sweet, Kylee. And check out that bokeh!!On another note, Shane is getting braver and braver when it comes to leaving his room at night! Until recently, if he woke up in the middle of the night (or even when we put him down) and he wanted one of us, he would get out of his bed, stand in front of his (closed) door and cry - blanket and sucker in hand. He'd stand there waiting for one of us to come get him.
Yeah, no more. . .
Yesterday morning Chris and I were awoken, not by an alarm clock, but by the sound of something hitting our bedroom floor. Upon further investigation, we found Shane standing in our doorway armed with an arsenal of suckers. One by one he was tossing them into our room (probably aiming for the poor dogs alseep on their dog beds)! Then, last night, about an hour after we put Shane down to bed, Chris and I were sitting on the couch trying to catch up on the 60+ shows we've got waiting for us on our DVR. We thought we had heard something but quickly dismissed it. We were fairly certain Shane was fast asleep by now and the dogs were in the family room with us. Another few minutes into the show and again we thought we heard something. This time we decided to check things out and as soon as we walked by the pass through into the kitchen we found the culprit. Our son, in all his night time glory (pjs, blanket, sucker) was sitting on the kitchen floor playing in the tupperware drawer! So much for being fast asleep, and so much for our stealth guard dogs!
Is too late to put him back in his crib?!?!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
We Did
To my husband:
It's amazing how quickly these last 4 years have gone by. It's strange to think back and remember where we were in our life together then, compared to where we are now, and where we hope to be when 5 years have quickly gone by.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I got to marry my best friend. These 4 years have been incredible and I look forward to seeing what the next 40 (and then some!) have in store for us.
I feel blessed to be able to say that I love you more now than I did on our wedding day and I'm confident that I'll only love you more as these years run by us.
You are my light. My life. Thank you.
I love you.
Your wife
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Dinner With The Girls
Once every month or two, my two best friends and I try to get together for dinner. It's a night of girl talk and laughter, a time to sit down and catch up when life seems to be getting the best of us. It's become a tradition of sorts, and it's one the 3 of us look forward to.
This "girls night" was a bit more special than those we've had in the past, this was the first "dinner with the girls" for baby Brady. Brady is now a little more than month old and still the apple of his Mommy and Daddy's eyes. Even Shane got a kick out of sitting around and watching him (sleep, mostly!) and every time Brady cried (which wasn't all that often!!) Shane became incredibly curious and wanted to know what the problem was.
But Shane still won't let me hold Brady! Actually, I think if he had his way, he wouldn't let me in the same room as Brady! Little does he know that I snuck in a little baby lovin' while he wasn't looking!
Baby Brady in all his full tummy glory!
"Ok, so maybe he isn't so bad after all!"
Cin and Kate with Brady:
Shhh! Don't tell Shane!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
This "girls night" was a bit more special than those we've had in the past, this was the first "dinner with the girls" for baby Brady. Brady is now a little more than month old and still the apple of his Mommy and Daddy's eyes. Even Shane got a kick out of sitting around and watching him (sleep, mostly!) and every time Brady cried (which wasn't all that often!!) Shane became incredibly curious and wanted to know what the problem was.
But Shane still won't let me hold Brady! Actually, I think if he had his way, he wouldn't let me in the same room as Brady! Little does he know that I snuck in a little baby lovin' while he wasn't looking!
Baby Brady in all his full tummy glory!
"Ok, so maybe he isn't so bad after all!" Cin and Kate with Brady: Shhh! Don't tell Shane! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Flashback
For fun . . . because I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today!
Taken before my dSLR and photoshop days!!!!
From this week, 2006:
Taken before my dSLR and photoshop days!!!!
From this week, 2006:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
