Thawing Out

Our lives have been frozen for the last 10 days.

Less than a week after our 4 year wedding anniversary my husband's body decided to test the "in sickness and in health" vow, to the maximum.

What started as a diagnosis of an inflamed gallbladder in the ER less than two weeks ago, quickly progressed into the deepest, darkest week and a half that we've ever known.

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The day after our visit to the ER, Chris followed up with the surgeon that was referred to us by the ER doctor. He called, and an appointment was scheduled for later that afternoon.

A few hours after making that appointment, the surgeon's office called back. By now, they had seen the reports and ultrasound images from the hospital and they felt that Chris should be consulting a Gastroenterologist, not a surgeon. Not now. They also felt that the Gastroenterologist should be starting with an organ other than the gallbladder, they thought they should be looking at the liver.

Chris called the Gastroenterologist referred to us by the surgeon and an appointment was scheduled for late in the afternoon on Friday.

On Friday, we went to the appointment with the GI doc and 20 minutes later we were heading back to the hospital for an immediate CT scan of Chris's abdomen and pelvis. This is when our stomach's started to drop, when our lives began to freeze.

We waited out the weekend and after a few rounds of phone tag, Chris and the GI doctor finally touched base late Monday afternoon. They wanted to do a liver biopsy. There were lesions on Chris's liver and we needed to know what they were, and what was causing them. The biopsy was scheduled for the following morning.

After a long, restless night, we got up Tuesday morning, dropped our only son off at daycare for the day, and headed, once again, back to the hospital. Zita came with us this time and became the moral support we both needed to get through the day.

Chris was quickly put through the admitting process and Zita and I sat with him as he laid in his bed in Short Stay (outpatient procedures) - waiting. One of the doctor's from the Radiology department (where the biopsy would be done) came in and explained to us the reason for the biopsy. The appearance of Chris's liver wasn't what you would expect to see in a 39 year old man. If Chris was 30 years older, it wouldn't have been so shocking. In an older man, the liver lesions that Chris had, would normally have been thought to have been cancer which had spread from another site. These two issues were the big causes for concern and were the reason that the biopsy was going to be done. The doctor also explained that these lesions could also just be cysts (among other things, I'm sure) and this was the diagnosis that we were hoping for. Praying for.

An hour after the doctor left, Chris was taken to the CT room for his biopsy. Zita and I left to wait it out.

50 minutes later, my cell phone rang and it was the Short Stay nurse saying that Chris was done and was back in his "room". Zita and I went and sat with him for the required 2 hours until he would be discharged.

All in all, Chris said the biopsy wasn't bad. Some pressure, a few moments of discomfort, but far better, and far less painful than he had anticipated. Even the days following the biopsy, his biggest complaint was being sore.

We were discharged from the hospital shortly after 3pm that afternoon, knowing that the longest 3 days of our lives laid out ahead of us. If we were lucky, we'd have the results by Friday.

Those 3 days were far more lengthy, and far more difficult, than I could have ever imagined. All the while you're hoping for the best possible outcome, while at the same time, trying to keep the images of the worst case scenario out of your head. It's an ugly mind game. It's emotionally and physically draining. It's sleepless night, after sleepless night. And finally, that day comes. The day you've been both dreading and waiting for all week, the day when you'll find out what direction your life heads in next.

The call finally comes through and all you're told, all you're really told, is that you'll have to continue to wait. The doctor explained on Friday afternoon that the pathologist just didn't have a diagnosis yet. That there was more testing to be done. That they hope to know more for sure by Monday afternoon and that we should probably just schedule and appointment for Tuesday morning.

4 more days. 4 more days of waiting. 4 more days of wanting to be elated that "no news is good news", that the worse case scenario should probably be behind you. 4 more days to think that if it really was something THAT bad, that surely they would've known it by now, but being too afraid to let too much hope seep in, there were no guarantees, no promises. It's a lonely, lonely path - even when you walk it together.

So we continue to wait. And tomorrow we find out where we go next.