Celebrating You

My precious little boy. Today is one of those rare days where I took a piece of time for myself and looked back at some of these posts on this blog from the last (almost) two years; remembering you. Celebrating you.

It still seems like only yesterday that you were wobbling around on two unsteady little legs as you pushed your "walkabout" up and down the length of the playroom, teaching yourself to walk. It seems like just last week that I snapped that picture of you sitting in your highchair with a face covered in spaghetti sauce and the devil's look in your eyes and smile! It seems like just then, but it was long ago.

There are days when it's difficult for me to look back at the baby you once where, knowing you never will be again. Those are the days when it hurts my heart to realize just how quickly you are growing up, how soon your first day of school will be upon us, complete with your first lunch box and first real friend.

There are days (most days) when my heart breaks to think that you may really be my only baby. That it may really just be you. Baby boy, my precious baby boy, trust me when I tell you it's not that you're not enough for me (for I consider myself the luckiest mom in the world to have you), it's just that this isn't something I ever wanted for you. I wanted so much more for you. I never wanted for you to be an only child. I wanted to give you your best friend, your built-in playmate, your companion with which to walk through life. But I'm realizing, slowly, that life may have other plans in store for us. And in my heart, I know that that will be okay too. For you, Shane Patrick, you are the flame on my candle, on our candle, and you are all the light we need.

But still, looking back and realizing the details of the moments that have already slipped through my mind, I'm glad to have this blog, this comfort place for me. It's good to have a place to come back to, to be with the you that you once were - on the days when my heart is strong enough to visit there.

And so today I celebrate you. The you you are today. The you at almost 3 years old. My silly little boy who has found a new fondness in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. The you that asks for "two treats" at bedtime; "two nanas. two puffs. two fishies" The you that makes my heart melt at the end of the day when you first catch a glimpse of me as I walk in to pick you up from daycare and how your face lights up enough to brighten even the darkest room. The you that still loves to dance and "sing" to the Wiggles; the you that knows which song, which dance step, is next - long before it comes. The you that wants to play in the pool, outside, even though it's only March.

The you that will still climb up in my lap on the occassional night for a few minutes of cuddle time before you drift off to sleep. Those are still my favorite moments. Sometimes I think you give them to me just to please me. Thank you.

Thank you for being you. And thank you for giving me so many reasons to celebrate you. To celebrate life.